PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
