Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
