My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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