i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
