Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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