I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
