Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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