we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
