I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
