I wannas sexs uuuuu
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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