I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Use "feeling words"
Yay
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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