If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped