Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.