Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money