if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.