Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We need to feng shui this bitch.