I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.