somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
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So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.