I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
then he tried to convert me to islam
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
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