I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You need Xanax blowdarts
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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