I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
