Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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