Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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