I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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