There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
