I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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