Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
