she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
