when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize