Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i've created a new STD.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
