Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
