Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
birth control should be required to get into college
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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