I'm jealous of your bromance
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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