new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
