the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
