i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
