Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
then he tried to convert me to islam
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
