I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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