if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
