I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
