i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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