Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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