$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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