I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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