I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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