dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
