It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize