i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just want nice things and good sex
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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