Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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