He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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