I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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