Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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