I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize