Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
