Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
