im about as happy as oj after his trial
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
