I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
