That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
