Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
