For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
