He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
