there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
