Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
