Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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