You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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