she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
