just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
