I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
