I got chris browned last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my sisters under your porch take her home
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
