oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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