Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
